[ It is in her instinct to smack his hand away, or perhaps reach for it and grip it a little too hard– dig her nails in until he asks to be let go (or in Merlins case laugh, probably). But again she thinks about Akvos, and this time not how it had ended but what he'd told her in those moments when he'd devoted so much of himself to that place.
Whatever scale she'd thought had been tipped in his favor had tipped towards her in a way she hadn't expected, and above all else she hates the stupid, inexplicable guilt that makes her feel. So she leaves his hand and offers him this. ]
You know, the funny thing is that I never really got a chance to light up the only people who've ever lived long enough to steal from me.
[ She wrinkles her nose; it's hard to tell if she's annoyed by the anecdote itself or the fact that she has to tell it. ]
Indigo. We were thick as thieves, we were supposed to be thieves– together. But you know how it goes, alls fair in love, war and robbing brothels. That sorta' shit.. the best part though!
[ She laughs, it's a girlish almost delighted sort of sound. Her eyes narrow though, lips forming a cruel sneer. She leans forward a bit more, resting some of her weight on him. ]
She was supposed to kill me, but she didn't. Said she was taking some kinda' fucking.. pity! On me– after all we'd been through. I was really, the saddest sack of shit she'd ever seen.
[ She reaches for his hand, finally– intertwines his fingers with hers. And then SMACKS his palm down like some sort of one-sided arm wrestling match.]
.. You ever feel bad about the messes you make and walk away from?
[his eyes are widened just a bit by how he didn't expect that - her words more than her actions. by now it's often enough that she'll do as she pleases, and he expects that. that she actually answers is its own moment in time, and those are words he tucks away to keep as another secret, secure behind a barrier that can't be pierced - oh, he wants to know just to know. and that there was that moment, and then that loss...well, he knows better than to pity her. she'd tear out his eyes if he tried.
but her last question is striking, and with the memories of Arturia so close to the surface, it almost feels poetically apt. to say no is a lie, and not even an elegant one. to say yes is to admit something vulnerable and small that not a soul should see. there has to be a third answer. something that answers nothing at all.
there is a brief silence there, intellect just a little dulled from the alcohol, from his frantic attempts to cover his own nature.]
All these questions, it's like you're trying to figure out if I have a heart or not.
[ She's cornered him, she realizes belatedly. She hadn't intended to, so it surprises her perhaps just as much as it does him. Zero doesn't think about the things other people do for themselves too deeply, or at least not deeply enough to realize his non-answer is just as good as an actual answer.
She laughs again, softer this time.]
No, I'm not. I don't care about crap like that– not a maneater, just a run of the mill murderer.
[ She shrugs. ]
Doesn't matter to me whether you have things you care about.. things that could hurt you, or things that you hold real close.. right–
[ She takes the palm in her grip and presses it flat against his chest. ]
– here. All that matters to me is that whatever you do have in there'll stop working if I stab you enough.
[ Perhaps some people found comfort in prying enough to know that their companions held the same sorts of values and morals (or any at all really). Zero finds comfort in the fact that if he fucks up he won't get away with it.
That's the only prying she feels compelled to do. ]
Booze makes me chatty, that's all it was.
[ She lets go of his hand, fingers skimming across his chest as she pulls away. ]
But I don't really wanna' do much more of that. And from the way you keep pussying out of answering questions, I guess you don't either.
You know nothing's going to make an honest man of me.
[there's only so much he can show, in a given moment. only so much before he feels everything become tethered again, controlled, and he doesn't want to fight it. there's a measure of gratitude buried deep down in there, for the time that she lets him take - despite wanting to cut through the mess, she won't reach in and take if he's not ready.
it's enjoyable, to talk to someone and be himself.]
Tell me, then. What would you rather do instead? Stab me?
[he'd let her, his tone says, though his eyes are a little bright.]
If only by a fraction perhaps (and if only for the moment). She is unsure how much of that is influenced by the alcohol or his conversation with her. It's in her nature to believe it's the latter– but all the same.. there is a part of her that feels just a bit lighter now that there is a modicum of warmth flowing through him. ]
Uh, I mean.. yeah? Probably will at some point. Maybe even in the next ten minutes.
[ She furrows her brow, as if vaguely perplexed and on the verge of sorting out her thoughts. The alcohol has dulled her senses some, she has to emote especially aggressively to be able to be sure her face is doing what she'd commanded of it. ]
But right now I kinda' wanna fuck you. Wine puts me in the mood.
[that sounds worlds better to him than actually thinking about his emotions, or the messes he's made in life. the grin on his face is lazy, all too willing to indulge - it's not the alcohol in his bloodstream, but the simple choice, and he sits up a little.]
That's a far more enjoyable plan.
[and if she chooses to stab him in the middle of it, then they'll deal with that when they get there. besides, he promised her, didn't he, to come see her when they were back in the Temple - but his bed's more comfortable, anyway.]
[ Zero moves like her body weighs hundreds of pounds, pressing a palm flat against his chest again as she wills him onto his back. She looms over him like a heavy stormcloud, hands on either side of his head– hair falling around him in a curtain that is prickly and smooth in equal parts.]
Glad you think so.
[ There is no affection in her voice, in her face– she looks at him more like she's going to stab him than fuck him.
But she doesn't quite do either of those things. ]
No one's honest.
[ Her voice is quieter, though she sounds just as flippant as she looks still. ]
No one. You're not better, worse or any different than anyone else. You just don't bother advertising things you're never going to hand out.
[one of his hands creeps between them, drawn up her chest before he lays a single finger on her lips.]
Shhh. Don't tell everyone. I'll become so cruel, in their eyes.
[stern and real and something they might understand more. that no one does, that he floats along unknowable and unreal, is essential. he wants to be like that - a dream they can't recall the true shape of.]
[it's hard enough to end up drawing blood, and he actually lets out a yelp of pain, reaching up his other free hand to try to get her to let go and yank his hand back before she ends up doing too much damage.]
[ Zero snorts, and breaks into a peal of laughter– genuinely amused by the fact that she's broken skin and he's crying over it! What a baby! ]
Oh, shut up. It's not even that bad! Here– gimme!
[ She pulls his hands away and grabs the wounded one by the wrist. Zero brings his finger to her lips again, looks as if she might kiss it. But instead she opens her mouth– delicately licks the blood from his skin before slipping his finger back into her mouth altogether.
She sucks, loudly and releases him finally with an equally as loud POP! of her lips. ]
There, all better. Now can you stop talking? You know how much it pisses me off when you do that.
[it'll be another of those wounds that he lets heal of their own accord - whether it be because it's simply a hassle to get it healed or because it's from her he won't say.
his expression is still kind of like a slightly startled cat, but instead of protesting, or commenting, or doing anything that's liable to ruin the situation, he mentally hopes he won't bleed all over his bed, and closes his mouth. there.
he'll say nothing more now, or even this entire night, because contrary to popular opinion Merlin does know when it's wise to shut up. especially if it means that a woman's out to have her way with him.]
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no subject
Whatever scale she'd thought had been tipped in his favor had tipped towards her in a way she hadn't expected, and above all else she hates the stupid, inexplicable guilt that makes her feel. So she leaves his hand and offers him this. ]
You know, the funny thing is that I never really got a chance to light up the only people who've ever lived long enough to steal from me.
[ She wrinkles her nose; it's hard to tell if she's annoyed by the anecdote itself or the fact that she has to tell it. ]
Indigo. We were thick as thieves, we were supposed to be thieves– together. But you know how it goes, alls fair in love, war and robbing brothels. That sorta' shit.. the best part though!
[ She laughs, it's a girlish almost delighted sort of sound. Her eyes narrow though, lips forming a cruel sneer. She leans forward a bit more, resting some of her weight on him. ]
She was supposed to kill me, but she didn't. Said she was taking some kinda' fucking.. pity! On me– after all we'd been through. I was really, the saddest sack of shit she'd ever seen.
[ She reaches for his hand, finally– intertwines his fingers with hers. And then SMACKS his palm down like some sort of one-sided arm wrestling match.]
.. You ever feel bad about the messes you make and walk away from?
[ She does.
She's not going to tell him that though.
His hand is still in her grip. ]
no subject
but her last question is striking, and with the memories of Arturia so close to the surface, it almost feels poetically apt. to say no is a lie, and not even an elegant one. to say yes is to admit something vulnerable and small that not a soul should see. there has to be a third answer. something that answers nothing at all.
there is a brief silence there, intellect just a little dulled from the alcohol, from his frantic attempts to cover his own nature.]
All these questions, it's like you're trying to figure out if I have a heart or not.
no subject
She laughs again, softer this time.]
No, I'm not. I don't care about crap like that– not a maneater, just a run of the mill murderer.
[ She shrugs. ]
Doesn't matter to me whether you have things you care about.. things that could hurt you, or things that you hold real close.. right–
[ She takes the palm in her grip and presses it flat against his chest. ]
– here. All that matters to me is that whatever you do have in there'll stop working if I stab you enough.
[ Perhaps some people found comfort in prying enough to know that their companions held the same sorts of values and morals (or any at all really). Zero finds comfort in the fact that if he fucks up he won't get away with it.
That's the only prying she feels compelled to do. ]
Booze makes me chatty, that's all it was.
[ She lets go of his hand, fingers skimming across his chest as she pulls away. ]
But I don't really wanna' do much more of that. And from the way you keep pussying out of answering questions, I guess you don't either.
no subject
[there's only so much he can show, in a given moment. only so much before he feels everything become tethered again, controlled, and he doesn't want to fight it. there's a measure of gratitude buried deep down in there, for the time that she lets him take - despite wanting to cut through the mess, she won't reach in and take if he's not ready.
it's enjoyable, to talk to someone and be himself.]
Tell me, then. What would you rather do instead? Stab me?
[he'd let her, his tone says, though his eyes are a little bright.]
no subject
If only by a fraction perhaps (and if only for the moment). She is unsure how much of that is influenced by the alcohol or his conversation with her. It's in her nature to believe it's the latter– but all the same.. there is a part of her that feels just a bit lighter now that there is a modicum of warmth flowing through him. ]
Uh, I mean.. yeah? Probably will at some point. Maybe even in the next ten minutes.
[ She furrows her brow, as if vaguely perplexed and on the verge of sorting out her thoughts. The alcohol has dulled her senses some, she has to emote especially aggressively to be able to be sure her face is doing what she'd commanded of it. ]
But right now I kinda' wanna fuck you. Wine puts me in the mood.
no subject
That's a far more enjoyable plan.
[and if she chooses to stab him in the middle of it, then they'll deal with that when they get there. besides, he promised her, didn't he, to come see her when they were back in the Temple - but his bed's more comfortable, anyway.]
no subject
Glad you think so.
[ There is no affection in her voice, in her face– she looks at him more like she's going to stab him than fuck him.
But she doesn't quite do either of those things. ]
No one's honest.
[ Her voice is quieter, though she sounds just as flippant as she looks still. ]
No one. You're not better, worse or any different than anyone else. You just don't bother advertising things you're never going to hand out.
no subject
Shhh. Don't tell everyone. I'll become so cruel, in their eyes.
[stern and real and something they might understand more. that no one does, that he floats along unknowable and unreal, is essential. he wants to be like that - a dream they can't recall the true shape of.]
1/2
Won't tell a fucking soul.
[ She speaks against his finger. ]
no subject
and just fucking bites his finger.
not in any sexy or sensual way mind you.
just fucking chomps down and tries to hit bone. ]
no subject
What the hell?!
[why are you a feral animal]
no subject
Oh, shut up. It's not even that bad! Here– gimme!
[ She pulls his hands away and grabs the wounded one by the wrist. Zero brings his finger to her lips again, looks as if she might kiss it. But instead she opens her mouth– delicately licks the blood from his skin before slipping his finger back into her mouth altogether.
She sucks, loudly and releases him finally with an equally as loud POP! of her lips. ]
There, all better. Now can you stop talking? You know how much it pisses me off when you do that.
no subject
his expression is still kind of like a slightly startled cat, but instead of protesting, or commenting, or doing anything that's liable to ruin the situation, he mentally hopes he won't bleed all over his bed, and closes his mouth. there.
he'll say nothing more now, or even this entire night, because contrary to popular opinion Merlin does know when it's wise to shut up. especially if it means that a woman's out to have her way with him.]